i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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