in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
