come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
