jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
