he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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