When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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