yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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