Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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