is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
