i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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