if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
