Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize