Having a random hookup so left but love u
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
