i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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