My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
