You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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