I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
