We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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