You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm experimenting with sincerity
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
