It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
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i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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