You made me cry and you don't even care
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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