Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize