im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
its liver damage thursday
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
