I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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