i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
