Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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