I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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