when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
