Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
