Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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