The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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