I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
