I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
