Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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