On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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