I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Shame - the story of my life.
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