Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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