is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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