"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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