i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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