some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
