I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
