i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
