dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
