Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
