I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
