I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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