you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
