whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
