omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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