So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
