drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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