my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
