I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
