Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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