That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
