I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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