So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I love you. Go after that dick
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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