so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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