its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
