Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
