You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
