she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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