Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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