As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
