Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
