God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
