i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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