So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
