I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
