Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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