Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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