so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
