i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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