I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
